How to Win Red Bull Rampage 2018 (Or at Least Do Better Than 9th)

It's that time of year again where we worry about which one of our freeride friends and MTB community members is going to die. Seriously, it's a brutal thing to say out loud and feels like saying "ok, last one," at the trails but we literally think this every year about Red Bull Rampage - "this is stupid. Someone is going to die." Every year, thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, the two-wheel-riding lunatics come away with their lives and their red-dusted and blistered hands. Rampage is the MTB trainwreck we know is going to happen but just can't look away from. It's the event we show our families and non-riding friends to give them a false vision of what we do on a bike. The riders fight to get in it, the media exploits its insanity and the watchers thirst for blood as the wind traditionally creeps up throughout the day, ironically sucking the wind out of the high-desert bike-schralping spectacle.

The general complaint each year is that the venue isn't natural enough. Rampage had a weird mid-life crisis a few years back when it couldn't decide if it should be a slopestyle contest or a freeride contest with skatepark-like wooden obstacles teetering on crumbling cliff edges for tailwhips. The riders in power eventually called bullshit and the slowly-turning-gray-haired mountain bikers who've kept track of the event since its inception in 2001 clammered for unmanicured take-offs and landings, loathing any hint of pre-fab contraptions. Todd Barber (the man who's made this day of insanity possible all these years), all the crews and the riders have done well to keep moving the terrain along. The last two years showcased a solid balance of don't-fall-off-the-edge-or-you-die terrain with canyon gaps and big showtime booters. Unfortunately the zone is used up, built-out and emits the aura of a 2008 downhill bike - the best ever at the time, but not gonna cut it these days.

So in the spirit of progression-based freeriding, they've moved the event. There's a brand new Rampage zone in 2018. It's the same red dirt and Virgin-proximate cliff bands but its void of goat paths, paved landings and looks to have lots of rocky, knobular natural obstacles perfect for nerfing off or over.

We're completely stoked and scared shitless to see how this new venue play out. Like we said before, our friends and acquaintances are out there risking their lives for some photos, likes and maybe a little bit of money. To set foot on this terrain with the idea of riding your bike down really is dumb. Like, not a smart idea. But, that's why humanity is so freaking rad...we're all different and driven by unique things in our lives. Personal accomplishment, the feeling of working hard and taking huge risks for minimal-but-personally-satisfying gains is what gets us up in the morning, right? For Zink, it's 360'ing a big-ass cliff in the middle of the desert. For gordo, it's not casing that 13 foot table top on the blue run. They're equally satisfying and are both equally dumb when overall experience and skill level is factored in. If Zink overspins, he'll get hurt. If gordo noses the knuckle, he'll get hurt. So while we say riding down the terrain at Rampage on an all-terrain bicycle is really dumb, so is standing at your desk and writing an article about it. Zink takes the win. Speaking of The Win, that's why you clicked on the headline isn't it? Onward.

The psychology of dig days at Rampage is always fascinating to watch from afar. We know you Vital readers are educated and understand that the Rampage athletes physically create the "trails" they ride for the event. So, how do you, as a bicycle rider with a couple friends as slave labor, determine how to start with a the same blank canvas as 19 of your competitors and walk away with the piece of art that got the highest bid at the Sotheby's auction before nature shreds it into oblivion? Welp, we've attended, in-person, or watched these Rampage thingies ever since the very first one in 2001, so we're just as dialed as the experts on Antiques Roadshow to determine what will and what won't have value at the end of this judge-driven mystery auction of freeride fame. Effectively, this article is written for 20 people - the 20 riders competing at Rampage this year. If you follow Vital's simple instructions (and obviously don't crash), you'll land at the top of the results sheet and maybe even the podium as you dig out the post-event dirt from your ears.

- There's no way around the fact that someone has to go down the mountain first. Additonally and unfortunately, Rampage is a judged event, subject to the imperfect nature of humans. Judges are notorious, in any sport, for being conservative at the beginning of an event. They have to be. If they genuinely think the first run of the entire day is the winning run and score it 100, they set themselves up for failure because run 2 could be just a bit better and so on. It's the crux of the system, and if you're an early competitor, can't be ignored. We have two solutions for the first handful of riders down (not just the first)

Early Riders Take It Easy

1. Do anything you can to delay your start - pretend you have a mechanical or stick your finger down your throat to barf at the top of the hill - it's a freeride event and everyone is pretty darn nice at a freeride event because they're all friends. There's no UCI to DSQ your ass and you may get lucky enough to be put to the end of the start list boosting your chances by at least 3 places in the results sheet should you nail your run.

2. If you're of higher ethical and moral character than sticking your finger down your throat to puke at the start, then just forget about your first run. Throw it out the window. Don't even be nervous because you have no chance. You can't win. You probably can't even podium (we're too lazy to check the history on that). Do something funny for the camera at the start, cruise the ridge, stop for autographs and selfies, wave to the helicopter; this is your chance to get some social media exposure and air time that will make the Red Bull highlight reel that hits the major news networks. As an early rider, your stock run, no matter how earth-shattering, even if you nail it, will net you, at best, a score of 87. You'll be completely forgotten until your next run, because the big guns are still ahead and that's just how it works.

SAVE YOUR STUNTS FOR FINALS!!!

This may be the biggest piece of advice we can give to the entire field and it may actually work. Last year, Pierre Edouard Ferry, Kyle Strait and Cam Zink were working on The Grossest Freeride Line Ever (TGFLE - it probably has a different name, but for the sake of writing and being out of the cool loop, we're going with TGFLE today) - a most-baffling line straight down the guts of the mountain, right off the top. They dug on it for a few days and as photos leaked, the entire world pretty much thought it was impossible. It should have been anyways. But the boys new a gnarly run like that would make us all sterile by just looking at them, so they finally dropped into it during practice (PEF went first, right?), and the footage rightfully went ballistic on social media because the grossest and most terrifying line in freeride history worked perfectly. A collective sigh of relief was felt throughout all of mountain biking that they survived and we were sterilized.

Fast-forward to finals day and they all hit TGFLE. It was no less tame than a few days earlier, it was still the most impossible thing to ride at Rampage they linked it to the rest of their run. Sans a few flips and sui's off giant cliffs here and there, TGFLE was the crux of their runs. But guess what? The move didn't pay off. Zink came so close to victory with a 2nd place and that nasty-ass run through the guts, Strait got 8th and PEF got 13th despite having that move in their runs. We sincerely believe that had the boys saved that run for finals day they would have had elevated scores and Zink may have even won. Sure it's a considerable risk to not test out your work, but does 2nd place at Rampage matter much? 8th and 13th certainly don't. The entire field is full of trail-and-stunt-building savages - we know your shit will work and you should be confident that it does too. Testing it may make you sleep better, but if you go down trying on finals day, you'll make the hightlight reel for life. SAVE YOUR STUNTS FOR FINALS DAY! It sucks for us because we try to feed or families off the views of your insanity during practice but Rampage is about your families, so please, for the love of all that's tailwhippy, SAVE YOUR STUNTS FOR FINALS DAY.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

This is tricky but it relates to the last tip. Digging at Rampage is a team effort and while each rider gets two diggers, three people in the arid Utah climate accomplish wonders but they can't move mountains. Riders and dig teams sharing lines and partnering up is a favorite social and strategic past-time at Rampage. There is strength in numbers. Unfortunately the top of the podium only has space for one. Going back to PEF, Strait and Zink, they needed each other to get TGLE (The Grossest Line Ever) rideable. At the same time, even if they saved it for Rampage, if 3 riders are doing the same crux move at the start of the run, does the maneuver lose its luster on the score sheet? If only one of those riders had hit TGLE on finals day only, certainly the weight of that performance would have been felt through the judges scribblings, right? Partner up for goat paths and transition sections, not your major move. If you must partner up for your showtime stunt, make sure it's with someone who is way worse than you. If they survive but you spin to win, you look amazeballs.

Choose Your Moves Wisely

Maybe you've found the biggest gap, the gnarliest cliff, the trickiest life-threatening line and no one else will touch it. There's probably a reason and that reason is because the stunt ends in a place that has you pedaling your slogging DH bike out slowly to the finish or even the bottom half of the mountain. Forget about it, no matter how viral the clip could go. A score of 79.13 and loss of the sponsorship you're clinging to is in your future should you choose this inexperienced adventure.

Don't Be Antoine Bizet

Even he learned this and isn't listed as a competitor this year. By choice? #eternalinjustice because 12th in 2017 wasn't right.

Don’t Be Norbs Either

In fact, Norbs has taken not being Norbs so far that he stopped being Norbs altogether, trading in Utah 360 drops for Utah religion. (Was that too harsh?) #norbsgotrobbed #norbsgotmarried

Always Be Yourself Unless...

• ...you're planning on doing mind-boggling, gnarly, slow, tech lines that are virtually impossible to ride; a guaranteed 13th place.
• ...you're planning on wearing a kit that's too racy, too Euro-looking or too flashy and bright. Freeride legends get a pass, they can do whatever they want. If you're not a freeride legend, some roughed-up jeans and an ironic t-shirt are for-sure a visual score-bumper-upper because non-mountain bike kids watching can relate. A chain wallet, while potentially hazardous, does present a #DGAF vibe, especially if it falls out of your pocket while flipping. Don't get too crazy, however. If you go full #vanzac with a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops, the judges won't take you seriously.
  

Sketch Out a Bit

History proves that if you're too smooth, it means you're not risking it enough. Even though that's complete horseshit, the scores reflect some too-smooth bias. We're not talking dabbing feet or anything, but lean over the front wheel a bit on a landing or feeble a sketchy edge in an act of being out of control. When you save it, real or not, the world rejoices and the points go up.

Ride an e-Bike

We're actually kind of serious about this. If there are specific rules in the Rampage rider handbook about no e-bikes, then skip this hint or make your motor undetectable like in road biking. Regardless of the hate mail, death threats and vitriol spit at you in the comments, think about the possibilities at a venue like Rampage. Pedaling for speed is basically nonsensical in Virgin, Utah. Throughout the years, riders like the Claw and others have tried to carve out cool, flowy things like wallrides that never quite worked out because the maneuvers all required pure gravity-fed speed. If you had technology assisting you with some uphilling or even traversing, gaps, jumps and who-knows-what-else could make the top-to-bottom jaunt something completely ground-breaking and progressive (two of freeridings biggest buzzwords) and the novelty alone may be worth 7th place as the future squeezes in.

Do Not Google “Rampage 2018”

unless you are prepared to wade through 17492 pictures of The Rock being bros with a large white gorilla. We always thought Red Bull blew it when they didn’t call it Rompage anyway. #roadtorompage